I didn’t find out about this story until I decided to read
the complete works of the Brothers Grimm straight through in high school, and
oh my goodness. Guys. It is the best. And also the worst. But mostly the worst.
It’s one of those stories where the princess has to get
married, but she’s set up certain impossible qualifications for her suitors.
Pretty standard, right? Except this girl has a bloodthirsty bend. Basically,
it’s hide and seek to the death—you hide all day, she marries you. She finds
you, you die. Head on a pike outside her tower.
Harsh, right?
Now my first question in situations like this is always “Why
on earth would you want to marry the chick?”
Like, power, influence, money, I get it—there are certain
advantages to marrying into nobility. But guys. Think about this. Do a
risk-reward analysis. Is your quality of life really that bad?
Ninety-seven dudes say yes. And boy do they ever suck at
hide and seek.
On to our dude. His story is standard, too. Youngest of
three brothers, saves the day after the older two screw it up. He meets some
animals in the woods, like youngest sons do, and they offer to help him someday
when he spares their lives. You all know where this is going.
Oldest brother hides from the princess, gets found, dies. Second
brother, same thing. We’re up to ninety-nine heads on posts along the wall. The
older ones are probably in a pretty nasty state of decomposition by now.
Youngest boy tries, his animal pals hide him, and he wins
Hide and Seek: Ultimate Death Match. The princess is very impressed, she agrees
to marry him, and they live happily ever after. So she decapitated his
brothers. So what? She’s a princess.
Seriously. These youngest son types always seem so smart and
level-headed, and then they go and marry girls who obviously want them dead.
Come on, man. Quit while you’re ahead. The deal is usually half the kingdom and
my daughter’s hand, right? Take the kingdom, leave the hand. Or ask for gold
instead. Dude. Don’t marry the girl who wants to kill you. This is not hard.
The right choice is clear. Just say no, man. Just say no.
Btw, if you’re wondering about the title, he won the game
when his fox friend transformed him into a sea-hare.
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