The Grateful Beasts

 This is a Hungarian fairy tale, coming to us today through Andrew Lang’s Yellow Fairy Book.

Once a poor family sent their three sons out to seek their fortunes. Each boy was given a loaf of bread on departure.

As I’m sure will surprise no one, given how fairy tales in general work, the youngest son was much kinder and more handsome than the others, and his brothers hated him for it. His name was Ferko.

The three brothers travelled together for a while, until Ferko fell asleep. At which time the others came up with an absolutely insane plan to torture him.

Step one: eat his loaf of bread.

Step two: convince him that he ate his own loaf of bread in his sleep.

Step three: wait for him to get really, really hungry.

Step four: offer to share their bread, but only if he allows them to break his legs and put out his eyes.

Step five: profit???

After several days of hunger Ferko, for a few small bites of bread, gives up both eyes and both legs.

Dude, what?

Apparently, according to Wikipedia, this is a thing that just happens sometimes, in this story type, but I’ve read a lot of stories and this is the first time I’ve encountered it.

I just—I just—

Ferko. Honey. No. I know you’re hungry, but you gotta think long-term here.

You’ve got two loaves of bread between the three of you, and nothing else to your names. Your brothers clearly take delight in inflicted upon you grievous injuries. Obviously this bread is not going to last for any significant period of time, and then what’s going to happen? Are you expecting your evil brothers to cart you around after maiming you? Clearly they will leave you to die.

The correct course of action in this situation would be to immediately separate from your brothers and find another food source.

But no, Ferko decides to let them torture him for a couple bites of probably-stale bread. And then, shockingly, they abandon him.

Lying on the forest floor, blind, legs both broken, Ferko conveniently overhears some birds talking about a nearby magic lake that can heal any injury or illness. So he drags himself there, and his legs and eyes are restored.

He fills a bottle with magic water, and makes his way through the forest, healing a variety of injured animals as he goes.

Eventually he makes his way to a palace, where his brothers now work. They’re terrified he’ll tell the king how evil they are, so they convince the king Ferko is an evil magician who wants to kidnap the princess. It is not at all clear how they convince the king of this. However, he decides the best way to resolve the situation is to set three impossible tasks; if Ferko fails the tasks, he’ll be put to death, and if he succeeds he’ll be exiled.

Dude. This is not at all an appropriate solution to this problem. If he’s not a magician, he won’t be able to complete the tasks. If he’s not a magician, the accusation against him isn't true. So he’s going to be put to death for being innocent? And if he proves by completing the tasks that he is indeed a powerful magician, and therefore a potential threat, you’re just going to…let him go. Right. great plan, buddy. What could go wrong?

With the assistance of his magically-healed animal friends, Ferko succeeds in the first two tasks. The princess watches and falls madly in love. The king and Ferko’s brothers watch and get angrier and angrier.

The final task is to gather up all the wolves in the kingdom, because the king and the brothers are idiots. We’ve pissed off a powerful sorcerer? Clearly the next step in eliminating him is to encourage him to summon an army of dangerous animals.

All the wolves are gathered. All the wolves are set on the king and the brothers. The king begs Ferko to stop them. He offers Ferko half his kingdom. He offers Ferko his whole kingdom. He offers Ferko his daughter’s hand in marriage.

The wolves eat the king and the brothers. Ferko marries the princess, becomes the new king, and lives happily ever after.

Between the insanity of letting yourself be horribly injured for a slice of bread, and the insanity of planning to kill someone only if he proves himself not to be a threat to you—

This story is just full of stupid, stupid people. I love it!

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